#But I don't want to have to read about it if I'm not seeking out critique myself

[dutifulsnack]

I agree with vampirisms, but I take issue with what Gretchen is saying here.

First image, the tweet she quotes doesn't seem to want a horror, they seem to want a romantic comedy. The discussion of horror is irrelevant to the original tweet being quoted.

Also, Horror being about predatory forces seeking out vulnerable people is a choice made by writers, not a requirement of the genre itself. "The Hill Have Eyes" in 1977 had the "predatory" forces target a white suburban family, one of whom was a cop.

Second image - the "usually" is doing a lot of heavy lifting here. I don't want that, I'm sure anyone I read this tweet to will agree that they don't want that in a horror film either. There is a point for characters between "Is genre aware" and "Jumps down from fortification to a horde of zombies" where characters can exist. Hell, depending on the story, the extreme ends on the scale can exist too.

Also, action-horror is a genre - Zack Snyder's "Dawn of the Dead" (although I feel that someone would just say that it's not a horror movie, just an action one with horror elements. To those I say "Evil Dead" and "Train to Busan"). Overcoming deadly challenges is a thing in almost every horror movie, even when the protagonists are doomed (not true in all horror films), they need to overcome the horror long enough for the story to be interesting. When the protagonist fails, despite their best efforts, it is supposed to be tragic.

"Get Out" had the protagonist be intelligent, survive, kill all of his attackers and go home. I will concur that he was vulnerable, that's what got him trapped in the first place. Overcoming the horror is often a part of horror, even though it is not always present ("Seoul Station", for example).

Third image - Poetic and true, yes. But not really important to fiction?

Fourth image - Booooooo! Booooo! BOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOOOO!

people are so mean about horror movie victims like. sorry but if i had gone to a cabin in the woods with my friends as a teenager you couldn't have stopped us from reading aloud from the evil tome. how were they supposed to know the ancient curse was real they're like 17

[lu-is-not-ok]

A Narcissistic reading of Hong Lu

Yup, I'm actually doing this.

To lay down some facts first: I have NPD, alongside a bunch of other things that coalesce into a nuclear concoction strong enough to kill every dark empath in a five mile radius. If I find you ableisting it up, I give myself the permission to smite you. This is a threat and a warning.

Now, let's talk about Hong Lu. Because as it turns out, he might just be the most difficult literacy check in Limbus Company according to what I've seen.

I could just say "I'm a narcissist and Hong Lu is just like me fr fr so he's a narcissist too" and end the post, but honestly, where's the fun in that? There are, legitimately, things I want to yap about, so I'm going to yap about them, and no chucklefucks can stop me.

So, to start this off, let's make one thing clear.

Hong Lu is not only a good actor, but also a skilled liar. The way he navigates conversations and the methods he uses are just as important to analyze as the actual words he says, if not more so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that trying to understand him based Only on what he says and not how he uses the things he says would result in an understanding that's not only incomplete, but potentially outright wrong.

Now, this isn't really tied to why I think Hong Lu could be very reasonably read as having NPD, at least not directly. Narcissists aren't inherently evil liar manipulators, and if that's what you take away from this post, that's more of a you problem (and you can go ahead and block me considering I'm one of the evil liar manipulator narcissists according to you).

However, there is a reason why I have to bring it up. And it's because almost all of Hong Lu's narcissistic traits become a lot more obvious once you look at the exact ways he takes control of conversations.

With that out of the way, what exactly are we even looking for?

NPD, in my experience, primarily affects one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I personally found that the analogy of a pendulum makes the most sense to me - a narcissist's sense of self-worth can swing between massive highs and massive lows, almost never staying in a middle "balanced" position, with even the tiniest things being able to throw it to one side or another.

The ways this can present outwardly are. Quite frankly, way too fucking many to count. But there are some common threads we can keep in mind:

High sensitivity to criticism

Need for an external source of validation

Tendency to seek out ways to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful

So, does Hong Lu fit those criteria?

Well. Yeah. This post wouldn't exist if he didn't.

Let's talk about the first point, high sensitivity to criticism. And, immediately, I would like everyone to remember Hell's Chicken, specifically the scene where Meursault begins to verbally roast his team's dish, and in the process laying down a verbal smackdown on everyone involved. That scene ended like this.

Curious, isn't it? The moment Meursault was about to start criticising Hong Lu, he just jumps in and distracts Meursault with a change of topic - something even Dante's narration points out.

Mind you, this isn't an isolated event. This is just the most obvious example of Hong Lu exhibiting this kind of behavior.

Don't believe me? Just look at these.

These are all examples of Hong Lu either backpedaling, changing the subject, or otherwise trying to avoid the acknowledgement of something that criticizes his status, thought process, or (in the last example) which would reveal an emotional vulnerability.

This is a fairly consistent pattern for him, and that's not even getting into the fact that the line he says when hovering over him before a skill check he has a Very Low chance at succeeding in has him suddenly try to excuse himself and leave.

Hong Lu is absolutely highly sensitive to criticism, it's just that his primary emotional reactions aren't ones we're privy to. Instead, what we get to see is how he acts to try and minimize the impact of those criticisms, if not outright find ways to never let them leave someone's mouth in the first place.

Next up - need for external validation.

This one doesn't have as many examples as the previous point, as Hong Lu is a generally closed off person who keeps a certain level of distance from most other Sinners. However, that doesn't mean I don't have any.

One such example comes from Canto 4, where soon after acting out his part in the play, Hong Lu seeks validation from Yi Sang.

Then there's this moment in Canto 6, where Hong Lu, once again, seeks validation for something he's done.

And then there's also these lines from Hong Lu's various Identities.

Aaaand then there's these base Identity voice lines, which, if you ask me, feel a bit like fishing for compliments.

This point is a lot harder to say is a definitive one, mainly due to Hong Lu's more closed off projected personality. That being said, the fact that one can find examples of it despite that is pretty notable.

And for the final one - trying to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful.

This is one that's a bit harder to provide exact examples for, as again, Hong Lu isn't someone who talks about how he feels often, and when he does it's not always exactly trustworthy. He's not like Rodya, who while still putting on a facade, is pretty open and easy to read about how she actually feels.

But, there's still some non-mutually exclusive interpretations I want to posit here. Two, in fact.

One - I believe that for Hong Lu, the thing he sees as power is control.

See, avoiding criticism isn't the only time Hong Lu steers conversations. In fact, it's something he does All The Time. He's often the one asking questions to get the group moving, trying to gather information that might be relevant to him, and generally taking over the direction a conversation is going in. Chances are, if Hong Lu speaks up, it's likely to alter the conversation he joins in noticeable ways.

This, I think, is one of the ways Hong Lu makes himself feel more powerful. After all, it's not that hard to guess from what little bits of his background we have that Hong Lu lacked agency for most of his life. So, wouldn't it make sense for him that having that agency, that being able to be socially in control, would be the exact kind of thing that would boost his self-esteem?

In fact, the only times we see him rendered completely speechless, seemingly stripped of that confidence in conversations he usually exhibits, are in Canto 7 - specifically in scenes where he's Not In Control of what the others are talking about. Those scenes being when the other Sinners start shit-talking Xichun in front of him, and when Xichun actively tries to bother Hong Lu by alluding to the way he's been treated back at home.

Extremely confident until something external happens that utterly strips him of that confidence... sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Then, there's the second interpretation.

See, with NPD, there are two ways a narcissist can try to make themself feel more deserving of attention. One is the one most probably think of when they think about narcissists - setting out to fulfill extremely high goals to feel amazing when one reached them and then feeling utterly crushed in the case one doesn't. This would be someone like Rodya.

However, there is also another way, one which I personally have much more experience with - to undersell. To set extremely low expectations, so that it's as hard as possible to fail reaching them, and to feel way better upon surpassing them than one would with higher, more "regular" expectations.

This, to me, is exactly the kind of narcissist Hong Lu is. Think about it. He's constantly putting out this image of an extremely sheltered person that barely understands the outside world, with notable moments where it's made clear he's Just Making Shit Up at points. Wouldn't making one seem unable to do anything, only to then proceed to do things you've led people to not expect of you, make it feel like you're much more exceptional than you really are?

The underselling goes the other way too. When the other Sinners point out something odd about Hong Lu in a more positive way, he's often quick to point out how it's Nothing compared to what his Family expected of him. Wouldn't that make one feel exceptional, to make it seem like whatever effort you're putting in to do well is but a fraction of what else you can do? That you don't even have to try to be able to be special?

...So, there. That's all the analysis and interpretation I find important to do to get my point across.

Just to make it clear, I don't think that the only thing wrong with Hong Lu is the narcissism. There's definitely a lot more shit going on in that head of his. But, I'll be honest, the NPD reading felt so obvious to me that it genuinely took me by surprise that other people don't see it.

Though... maybe I shouldn't be shocked. Some fuckers out there still think Faust is a narcissist when she's literally just autistic.

[gem-de-lune]

Daily Vibe Check 11/14

Seunghan

Strength + The Star

This is a lot of courage and faith. Particularly, it is not necessarily peoactive action based but internal. I have said before that he seems to be preparing himself for something, and it seems to be it. He has a lot of hope today. Today is a good day for him.

What is he doing today?

The Wheel of Fortune + Knight of Cups + The Emperor

This is a lot of internal and personal work. He is still very much in the energy of acceptance. A lot of people have seemed to get the wrong idea from this. So, while I was reading this today, I felt called to a specific phrase in pulling the Wheel card. "What comes up must come down." Understand that this is true vise versa as well. Seunghan's acceptance stems from the fact that he feels he cannot possibly reach a point lower than what had happened now. Whatever happens will be just as impactful and in a positive way in his mind. Today, he is handling his affairs and future plans. For once, he is alone, but he is not depressed today. He has a lot of willpower, a lot of heart, and determination to make the best out of his day. He may interact with a pet or other animals today. I also see him practicing maybe singing? Something creative and vocal.

Finances (someone asked abt this so adding it to check-in)

3 of Coins + 3 of Wands + 8 of Swords

The spread suggests the current situation is one where if he works hard with others, there is a definite opportunity to reap very good rewards and new opportunities to come. However, with the 8 of Swords, there seems to be a tension in that these rewards and opportunities cannot be reached until he has broken free of certain constraints and setbacks. I think the current situation. But He seems to have a good support system- at least financially to be healthy and okay for the time being. The situation could change soon though if nothing is done about the 8 of Swords energy.

Bottom of the Deck:

The Lovers

In this context, we are talking about the harmonious decision made between multiple entities. I think this card seeks to represent Seunghan's intentions. He wants things to end harmoniously with no ill feelings or contempt. He is going to choose peace every time. That's just how and who he is. (Libras amirite lmfao)

Final Notes:

Tbh guys I am getting the feeling that good things will happen but not when we want them to. Everything i have been reading daily has been screaming PATIENCE. I am not that patient tbh. But i think I could wait a bit longer as long as the ending is satisfactory.

However, i am being told it is seriously important that we make whatever time we have left count here....things have been shifting, and SM is sly no matter what. They believe this could still possibly fade into the dark. Things need to be more visible, and garner more attention. POSITIVE attention TOWARDS Seunghan and attention to SM to DO SOMETHING not just insult them- but a literal call to action in a way we have not done before. I keep saying this, but tbh it's super super important right now as I speak. I'm getting literal goosebumps about it, so I pulled some cards asking abt Seunghan's return to Riize to checkup:

7 of Wands + 5 of Wands

This is a fight. We MUST stand our ground. We MUST not forget what we are doing. And We CANNOT afford to lose the war. It is clear there are still details and stipulations causing a lot of hesitance and inner fighting on SMs side. We absolutely need to remind them again why they listened to the wrong side. If we don't manage to have at least one more final hurrah here- it's not looking AS good as before.

Please please please do not give up.

[1toreyouapart]

What It Cost

****THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY BASED ON REAL PEOPLE. 18+ ONLY. I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THE PEOPLE OR MUSIC MENTIONED IN THIS STORY OUTSIDE OF LILITH AND SADIE AND MAYBE A COUPLE OTHERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU’RE NOT UP FOR FANFIC INVOLVING REAL PEOPLE***

Terrible summary: Five years since she last spoke to him. Since she last saw him. Now his face and his voice is everywhere. She can't escape him.

Five years ago Noah destroyed her and the life they had built. Now he’s back and seeking to make amends. As much as she wants to say that it's too little too late, is it?

CW/TW: Angst, mention of addiction, cheating. Mention of character death. Language. Smut (later on). PinV, unprotected PinV (wrap it before you tap it, friends), oral (f&m receiving). All smutty warnings happen later on, so I’ll update TW/CW warning labels as those parts are written and posted. If I forget anything, please let me know so I can fix it! Thank you!

Part 6 - Lilith

Noah had text her two hours ago, asking if they could talk. Again. Since then she'd been an anxious mess. Part of her was shocked he hadn't just shown up like the last time. Everything in her told him to tell him no. That there was nothing to talk about anymore. He had said he was sorry and they could go about their lives. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. Couldn't bring herself to tell him to leave her alone. What the fuck was wrong with her? She should hate him. So why couldn't she?

Sadie joined her on the back porch, handing her a takeout container and a fork. Lilly couldn't help the smile at the small gesture. She'd sort of started the tradition back when the two of them had just met, always giving Sadie food from her and Noah's dates. Now it was her doing it after hers and Jolly's.

"He wants to talk."

"So, no stomach for food at the moment?" Sadie took the food back, knowing too well what happened if she ate while nervous. It wouldn't stay down long.

"I don't know what to say." Lilly sighed, her stomach starting to churn more forcefully.

"Listen," Sadie began. "I know we all know I'm still pissed at him. But, maybe hear him out? He at least seems like he's trying."

Lilly huffed out a laugh, dropping her head into her hands, elbows resting on her knees. She had expected Sadie to tell her to ignore him or to tell him to fuck off. Which almost would have guaranteed she agree to talk to him. Probably something Sadie had counted on, actually.

"I don't know-"

"Lilly, I heard him, too. He's never sounded like that. Jolly said he's been locked up in his room since." She sighed. "Maybe talk to him. If you don't want to hear what he has to say, that's fine, but at least give him a chance to do what he should have done years ago."

Sadie had a point. Never had she seen Noah like that. Sure, she had seen him close a few times when things weren't going right, but never to the point that he was on his knees, clutching his chest like that. The way he had sounded, like he was breaking. Shattering right in front of her. How unfocused his eyes had been. He hadn't been there in the present. Noah had been somewhere else in his mind.

Chewing on her bottom lip she picked up her phone, debating between texting him back and just calling him. Suddenly Sadie reached over, taking her phone from her.

"Hey!"

"Jesus. You both need to learn how to just get on with it." Sadie laughed, typing out a response for her and hitting send. "He'll probably be here soon. I'll make myself scarce."

***

Her heart leapt into her throat as she watched him pull up, her hands beginning to shake. Fuck. Right now seemed like a real good time to start smoking. Maybe she should have had some wine or something first. Either way she needed something to calm the nerves. Yet here she was empty handed, watching as he climbed out of his car, a tall iced coffee in hand. No hoodie this time. Just a pair of shorts and a plain white shirt.

She watched, helpless, as he climbed the steps onto the porch. Watched as he walked over to her, holding out the iced coffee for her. Her stomach flipped at the realization that he had brought her some kind of peace offering.

"Iced spiced chai, double shot, with a pump of pumpkin, right?" He asked, his voice soft.

"You remember my order." It wasn't a question, more of an observation than anything. Carefully, she reached out, taking the coffee from him, grateful to have something to hold. "Thank you."

Noah nodded, sitting in the chair opposite her. She had to admit to herself she was shocked that after all this time he had remembered something so small. Then again, she clearly hadn't changed much in five years if she still got the same coffee every day. Nervous, she took a sip, not daring to look up at him.

"Sorry about the other night," he started.

"I don't know. I think that's the most honest I've ever seen you, Noah," she quipped, wincing at her own harshness. "Sorry."

"No," he chuckled. "That's fair. That's really fucking fair."

"I'm not sorry that I finally was honest with you. I am, however, sorry that I started having a fucking panic attack, though."

"You're okay, though?" She asked, finally looking up at him.

Now that she looked at him she could see just how tired he was. Like he had barely slept. And deep down she felt bad for him. And maybe a little guilty. Maybe she shouldn't have been so hard on him the other night.

"Honestly? Been better. But, comes with the territory, I suppose."

The two of them sat there, a heavy silence falling between them. There he was, being honest again. The Noah she had known would have said he was fine. He would have skirted around the issue entirely and made a stupid joke.

"Listen, Bambi. I fucked up. Royally. You didn't deserve any of the shit that I did. Even the stuff you overlooked from the start." He grimaced, remembering some of the shit he had done.

"Noah-"

"Nope. Not done. You are also the first person I should have reached out to once I got sober. Instead I've been too chicken shit, as Nicholas loves to point out, to face you because the shit I put you through at the end? That was beyond fucked up. Like, way beyond. I was doing shit just to hurt you. And you deserved better. You still deserve better."

Lilith sat there, gripping the coffee he had brought her, feeling like she was going to vomit. Tears blurred her vision, her mind racing. Here he was, giving her more of an apology than she had ever thought she would get. And as much as she wanted to be angry, she just couldn't anymore. She wanted to scream and yell and call him an asshole, but the anger and the words just wouldn't come. Where did she go from here?

Tag: @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard

[sophieshiddenlibrary]

to add to this; Queer sex scenes are important, because they are part of many a queer experience. 'we're here, we're queer, we will not live in fear' is a compelling phrase exactly because our sexuality (and especially trans sexuality of people of colour) is often seen as vile, pornographic or """"degenerate"""" things that should not be seen by """"civilised (WASP) society"""". I am reminded of those videos of Christian men who with crying faces describe that 'in their darkest moments they *even* looked at trans women in their porn.' We are not a mere porn category. we are full-fledged people living full lives with a full range of human experiences, and sex can be part of that, and hey, sometimes I want to see people like me having a wonderful loving time.

So I seek out books in which trans people fuck. I seek out books in which nonbinary people fuck (with neopronouns even!) I seek out books in which minorities tell their stories, in the way they want to tell them, and hell yes, Fucking (and being in love, yearning, tragedy, crying, and thinking back on missed opportunities and the whole goddamn scala of living that can be seen in all those books in all those genres? they are worth depicting. They Can All Be Art. And we don't have to be ashamed in wanting to see and read about those experiences that can both reflect our own realities and grant us new perspectives into realities that could never be our own.

Sex scenes can, and often tell stories about the people having sex. from the simple (do these people love or hate each other?) to the complex ('Oh no, I was enjoying this but now suddenly there are Gender Feelings welling up in my head!' or 'Is this character using this kinky sex to manipulate this other person's Loyalty in the upcoming battle, or are there more emotions at play here?') to the entire field of Kinks and kinkiness? (which character indulges in what and why? is this healthy for them?) these can all be fascinating elements for skilled storytellers to explore.

Of course I'm not saying that all stories need to have (queer) sex scenes in them and that all writers must write them, just that to dismiss them outright as being without value is foolish.

"sex scenes have no narrative purpose" is such a funny take on so many levels. people will really believe that the whole human experience is valuable to portray artistically except sex, which of course has never held emotional weight or significance for anybody

[silusvesuius]

this tree from my new drawing looking goated afffffff 👑👑

[so-called-quail]

'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.

Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.

Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.

Sam and vengeance in today's entry

[medusa-fem]

I don't usually do trigger warnings but this is a difficult read, scroll past if you're not in the mental place to read discussions of CSA.

If we're going with the theory these kids are being groomed it's actually very possible they would seek out pornography at a certain point of being desensitized to or rewarded for their sexual behavior.

I'm a CSA/incest victim and my grandfather exposed me to porn as a form of grooming. Obviously no, I did not enjoy being forced to watch porn while being abused, however by time I was 7 I was stealing my uncle's porn magazines and masturbating because I had lost all of my innocence to the abuse. The point of grooming is brain washing works especially well on small kids, and once you've broken them they will start to act on their own. Once again, I never enjoyed being abused, however the sexual behaviors I had learned from being groomed and abused led to me seeking out pornography and actually having an ongoing sexual relationship with a friend when I was 7 (who incidentally, had also been exposed to porn and sexually abused by her father). This is reality for a lot of abuse victims, this post just isn't showing us a full picture. If you have a hard time believing kids would seek out porn, then you don't know enough about the realities of abuse to speak on it.

@nerdylilpeebee I get not wanting to believe this is possible, but blaming the mom who obviously has been doing her due diligence to keep her kids safe during her time with them shouldn't be to blame for hoping her coparent would put in as much effort. Additionally the post even says it's the dad's iPad the kids are borrowing, she's not in a position to child proof her husband's shit, which is why she takes the time to monitor them as any decent parent should. This post is wildly suspicious as to the husband's actions when she's away, but there is not much more she could have done to control her husband's behavior. Now that he's proven incompetent if not dangerous, she's thinking about divorce. She is doing her best as a mother it seems and I certainly wouldn't say she is equally negligent in this situation.

No comments

[girlscience]

I hate getting into something that has a canon(ish) sapphic couple, but I only end up caring about one of the two women 😭😭😭

[dreamofcamelot]

here's my list!!!

Is It Any Wonder? by Keane

this song. god. like I said before, to me this is Arthur after discovering Merlin's magic

I, I always thought that I knew I'd always have the right to Be living in the kingdom of the good and true

And so on, but now I think I was wrong And you were laughing along And now I look a fool for thinking you were on my side

·Kohaku to Ruri no Rondo - Mika Kagehira

This solo was early Valkyrie so, lots of devotion, a good deal of codependence and some toxic loyalty, basically a life lived with the sole purpose of being worthy of staying by someone's side

The fairy tale woven by these golden puppet strings is the only truthI discard everything other than that Both the amber dyed in admiration,and the lapis lazuli dyed in despair*

*here he's talking about his eyes, Mika has heterochromia. It works for Merlin beautifully

·Eternal Weaving by Valkyrie

Giving merthur valkyrie songs is so easy, the master-servant undertones, specially at the beginning, the constant use of sovereignty and nobility themes. too good. too easy

Singing glories of a king carved out of stone [...] your eyes that are painted with delight now please, show me

In this eternity that never ends the dreaming that the gods wanted now we can give it some shape

To me this song is golden age merthur.

·Somewhere Only We Know by Keane

this is my fav song, like, this to me is peak 2009-2011. this song gives me the same vibes of my fav modern AUs. Every song from Hopes and Fears gives me merthur modern AU vibes.

Also it makes me feel like it's Saturday afternoon and I'm getting ready to watch merlin on TV. idk. no more comments.

·Stippling by Double Face (rip)

this one..... this one is merwaine idc (works for mercelot too)

And yet, in your eyeseach color may just blend together into one

As long as you're next to me, while we're concealed by this spring storm Everyone wishes to leave a legacy They'll surely realise that the countless pieces of amber [...] can only draw in sepia color

this world may just be a stippling of solitude and instants but still, your eyes are seeking maybe, like a spring storm, the multitudes of colors will blend all into one

go listen to this one. please.

·Gaisenka by Valkyrie

Golden age merthur???? is this you???? again??? yeah.

Even the darkness known as hell is a mere pigment used to paint our path We will bring forth a light matched by none,

Behold, the beginning of the new Sovereign’s tale We offer up our very souls and raise up our noble will Now, resound the Song of our Triumphant Return

again, go listen to it and you'll understand.

·Tightrope from The Greatest Showman

c'mon.......

You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream Always in motion So I risk it all just to be with you And I risk it all for this life we chose

To me that's literally merlin speaking about their relationship!!!!!!

·Ultimate Deception from Journey to Bethlehem

I've talked about this song before here, I see this as Arthur's internal conflict between the side of him that was raised to fear and punish magic and the side of him that loves Merlin and want to be on his side against everything

Don't make concessions for her transgressions She's made a mess, a fool of you I don't see deception in her confession I just see the truth

I will not stop talking about this song!!!!! it works too perfect!!!!!

Honorable mentions; or lyrics that are just too good

·Lie by JIMIN

Let's read the lyrics together and see who comes to mind:

it's endless, even if i try to run i've fallen into a lie

Caught in a lie Please find the me who was innocent I can't escape from inside this lie Please return my smile

[...]please save me who is being punished I am still the same me I always was the same me from before is here

Want me The me who is lost and astray

A lie that grows bigger and bigger Is threatening to swallow me up I can't escape from inside this lie Please return my smile

Your honor, I rest my case. (Merlin, this is about Merlin)

·This one is instrumental but Love Waltz from The secret of Moonacre?? I love this movie and this song makes me think about them idk

·Breathing by Ariana Grande

YES. breathing by Ariana Grande

Just keep breathin' and breathin' and breathin' and breathin' And oh, I gotta keep, keep on breathin'

Sometimes it's hard to find, find my way up into the clouds Tune it out, they can be so loud You remind me of a time when things weren't so complicated All I need is to see your face

I love this part, my biggest honor is offering this song to the current blorbo I'm enjoying. So here you go Merlin, enjoy.

What are your BBC Merlin songs?

I’m making the ultimate Merlin playlist and I need songs! I already have some of the classics*, but I would love some input, and also some deeper cuts! No song is too obscure or too cliché. The playlist tends to skew towards Merthur, but I want to expand it, so drop as many as you want, for any of the characters!

*the classics I have right now include King and Lionheart, A Thousand Years, Carry On My Wayward Son, Soldier Poet King, and The Night We Met.

[moe-broey]

Brain still soup but like. I think making one or both (or more!) characters involved in relationships with each other aromantic makes the dynamic soooooo much more compelling. Because if you remove romance as a motivator, you really get down to the nitty-gritty as to WHY that character is seeking out/involved in those relationships in the first place. Whether that relationship involves romantic factors or is more of a queer platonic thing. Much to think about....

[thelastspeecher]

Look I don't believe in psychics, I think it's all bullshit, but I do think it is v fun and interesting, esp palm reading and tarot readings

So like, I expected the palm reading I got this morning to be a rip-off but I didn't expect it to be so much of a rip-off she only mentioned one of the lines of my palm and the rest was just a generic cold reading instead of telling me "and your love line says this" or whatever

[blue-eyed-beastie]

Oh my goodness! This is it!! Thank you for this!

I was able to find the original novel through Project Gutenberg. It's free to read on any web browser! Helpful hint: If you use Firefox, it gives you the option to translate it automatically (but with varied and sometimes hilarious results).

Anyway, as far as I can tell, the story is told through a series of letters. The excerpt from Belle's book is from a letter written by one Annette Bourdon to her friend Adelaide Fairlie, dated 19 September at Les Frênes (in case you want to look up the exact chapter, since they aren't numbered).

I won't include the entire translation, because it is quite long, but it's worth the read. By the way, I'm not at all disappointed that my earlier guesses about the context were wrong. I'm just thrilled that someone else knew what the excerpt was from so that I could read it in its entirety!

For those who don't have the time to read it right now, the summary of it is that Annette is discussing her engagement to Paul, and what has happened since, and how she feels about it. She also wonders what comes after marriage (and yes, she means the bedroom!):

There must be novels that talk about these situations, novels that I'm forbidden to read. As soon as I'm married, I'll read everything that's been forbidden to me; so I will be informed and I will know what I must do, in case of necessity. I am determined to be very good to my husband, but I would not want to cause anyone unnecessary pain. If someone courts me, I will be happy. I like to be looked at, and to be talked to. All alone, I get bored and sometimes I have done extravagances to attract attention. I told you about the one in the river, but it was my sister who had the idea. No matter, I see that the idea was not bad, because it is since that moment that Paul began to look at me with completely new eyes. As for me, if I saw a naked man swimming on the surface of the water, it would frighten me and I would start running. Men are braver; they are not even afraid at all. They both seemed ecstatic, and I almost laughed, which would have made me drink water and drown. What a pity, but what an opportunity for Paul to fish me out and hold me in his arms, like a languid siren!

Ah, the languid siren that was mentioned at the beginning of the excerpt! One translation suggested "mermaid", which I actually prefer in this context, since sirens tend to want to drown their victims. Mermaids, not so much! (See: The Little Mermaid, as a case in point.)

Now, I won't quote the entire excerpt again, but I did want to know what the very last fragmented sentence turned out to be, so I will include it below in its full context, plus a little more:

Paul is more handsome than I have ever seen him before. He is pale with large eyes full of fever and love. I find him sublime when he kneels down beside me to look at me as if in prayer. I want to pray to him too, sometimes, and to lay my cheek on his knees, but when I have that desire, I get angry with myself and I sulk at Paul. It is very difficult to keep a man within the bounds of respect. He addressed me informally once; I did not like that. No one has ever addressed me as "tu" [you] except women. In the mouth of a man, this familiarity seemed unbearable to me. Nothing vulgar pleases me. A woman must be a queen to be completely a woman. This is the attitude I want to take from now on; even when I play hide-and-seek, people feel that I am a princess and they do not pull me carelessly by my crumpled dress. I turned eighteen the day before yesterday. At that age, one has a scepter or a fairy wand. When I laugh, there are eyes that are worried; and when I smile, people look at me to share in my smile.

The last of Annette's letter sees her looking forward to marriage, but wishing this feeling would last. She ends with this last romantic thought:

I feel that I am embarking on a long pleasure voyage. Everything laughs. Autumn itself is spring-like this year. There are languors of the month of May and freshness of new grass. One would say that it rains love every night…

While there are no sword fights or magic spells in this one, there seems to be plenty of romance, and that's all right with me. ❤️

A Closer Look at Belle's Book: Part II

In Part I, I went into some detail about the illustration inside Belle's book, but now I want to turn the page, so to speak.

Thanks to the magic of 4K, I was able to zoom in on some details in Beauty and the Beast that I had never noticed before, and this time I wanted to see what story Belle was reading. I've seen theories that it was either foreshadowing Aladdin or referencing Sleeping Beauty, and I myself noticed that it bears some artistic resemblance to Snow White... but it turns out that it has nothing to do with Disney, or its fairy tales.

It's something else entirely, and it's in French!

After zooming in and studying each frame, I managed to make out the following text:

une languissante sirene! Enfin, il sera bientôt heureux, si c'est là ce qui doit causer son bonheur. Je sais que je suis agréable à regarder, puisque j'y ai du plaisir moi-même, et de ce plaisir je ne priverai pas mon mari, au contraire. Je ne sais si je l'aimerai, je l'espère; mais je veux qu'il m'aime lui, et je ferai pour lui plaire tout ce qui lui plaira. Ah! chère Adélaïde, je suis pleine de rêves absurdes et de pensées contradictoires! Je songe à des choses qui me semblent à la fois douces et vilaines, et j'ai des imaginations qui me font rougir en même temps que pleurer! Au moins, je ne m'ennuie pas. Je vis plus en une heure de ces journées que l'an passé je ne vécus en toute l'année. Chaque heure me renouvelle, me grandit et m'épanouit. Je me semble un rosier qui fleur rirait à vue d’œil, je suis fraîche et parfumée; je suis légère et forte: j'attends le bonheur. Paul est plus beau que je ne l'avais encore jamais tu. Il est pâle avec de grands yeux pleins de fièvre et d'amour. Je le trouve sublime quand il s'agenouille près de moi pour me regarder comme en prière. J'ai envie de le prière aussi, parfois, et de coucher ma joue sur ses genoux, mais quand j'ai cette envie-la, je me fâché contre moi-meme et je boude Paul.

Which, roughly translated into English, means:

a languid siren! Finally, he will soon be happy, if that is what will make him happy. I know that I am pleasant to look at, since I take pleasure in it myself, and of this pleasure I will not deprive my husband, on the contrary. I do not know if I will love him, I hope so; but I want him to love me, and I will do whatever he pleases to please him. Ah! dear Adelaide, I am full of absurd dreams and contradictory thoughts! I think of things that seem to me both sweet and ugly, and I have fantasies that make me blush and cry at the same time! At least, I am not bored. I live more in one hour of these days than I lived in the whole year last year. Each hour renews me, makes me grow and blossom. I seem to myself a rosebush that blooms laughing before my eyes, I am fresh and fragrant; I am light and strong: I await happiness. Paul is more handsome than I have ever seen him before. He is pale with big eyes full of fever and love. I find him sublime when he kneels down next to me to look at me as if in prayer. I want to pray to him too, sometimes, and to lay my cheek on his knees, but when I have this desire, I get angry with myself and I sulk at Paul.

By the way, there is one more sentence (maybe even two) at the bottom of the page that is partially obscured by Belle's shoulder and right hand. It may or may not be important to the rest of the excerpt, but for completion's sake, I'll share it here:

Il est ... maintenir un homme dans les ...

Which translates to:

He is ... to keep a man in the ...

Intriguing, isn't it? What was she trying to say?

Overall, the author appears to be an unwed woman dreaming of her future marriage to a man named Paul. Her confidante is someone named Adelaide, but I suspect she is actually writing to herself. Regardless, she is either betrothed to Paul or she longs to be, since she calls him her husband. Perhaps it is an arranged marriage? She goes on to dwell upon his handsomeness, and how she longs to be close to him, but then she gets angry at herself for feeling this way. The last line of the passage is incomplete, but my best guess is that the author is saying that Paul is not to blame for her sulking, so it is not right to keep a man in the dark, i.e. ignorant. I could be wrong, though. In any case, she is conflicted about her feelings on the matter. You could even say that her feelings are "new, and a bit alarming".

I can see why the filmmakers chose this passage for Belle's book.

It may not be a fairy tale, but it certainly has elements from the film. There are references to beauty, roses, imagination, and eyes filled with love, and passion.

Belle:

"Oh, isn't this amazing? It's my favorite part because—you’ll see Here's where she meets Prince Charming But she won't discover that it's him 'til Chapter Three!"

Do the lyrics match the story hinted at on the page itself? No, but I really respect the filmmakers for going out of their way to include this kind of detail in the film. They could have taken the easy way out, by writing out something like "Once upon a time" to echo the opening narration, or used "Lorem ipsem" Latin filler, or even meaningless brush strokes just to fill the page... but they didn't. They chose something in French that Belle herself might have liked to read. And I think that's really cool.

[infriga]

Just a small request to anyone who follows me or checks out my blog, please don't insult something I enjoy in the tags if you're going to reblog something about it from me that isn't already a critique.

[ohara-n-brown]

As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.

Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.

The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.

I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.

I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.

As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.

95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'

I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.

That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.

There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.

My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.

Borderline patients can't win.

And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.

BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.

Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.

And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.

I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.

Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.

Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.

To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.

I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.

I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.

You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.

Borderline people I'm sorry.

[comicaurora]

I've been reading some stuff on punitive justice, and it made something click for me that I've observed a lot online but haven't been able to put into words before.

When someone does something wrong, that's bad, and the damage it does needs to be repaired while the person needs to try to do better in future to minimize repeating harm. We learn it in preschool - say sorry, don't do it again. If they keep at it, remove them from the situation where they can do the harm until they prove they're responsible enough to go back in.

So if it turns out someone DIDN'T do anything wrong, that should be a relief! There's no damage to fix, no internal errors to correct. Less work for everybody, literally no harm done. False alarm, all good.

The thing I've observed is, lots of people want them to have done something wrong. There's almost disappointment when it turns out there's no harm done. And I think that's because of this general undercurrent of punitive justice as morally righteous and desirable: someone does something wrong, you get to punish them. Turns out they're innocent? That's disappointing. Find another reason you get to punish them, or find another bad person you get to punish. But at the core of it is that desire to punish someone. Someone you can hurt in a way that makes you a better person for hurting them.

This particular brand of almost cannibalistic pseudo-justice is super common in tumblr, one of the most ostensibly liberal spaces on the internet; I see more borderline savagery in online discourse here than in the actually toxic parts of the internet that are just openly cruel for cruelty's sake. It's always thrown me for a loop, and has frankly also hurt me, because on the rare occasions I get personally dogpiled, it only actually stings when it makes me worry that I've legitimately hurt someone. If I did something wrong, or more realistically when I inevitably do something wrong, that would make it good and right for people to give me shit about it every day until I'm dead.

The thing that clicked for me most recently was this bit in Ijeoma Oluo's Be A Revolution:

Punitive justice is specifically, uniquely appealing to people who have suffered injustices. Of course it's the Tumblr zeitgeist. Everyone here is a marginalized person failed by at least one system. Punishing someone for perceived injustice is how someone the system has deemed worthless proves their value in blood, even if the person being punished hasn't harmed you directly - even if they haven't harmed anyone. "Righteous" anger isn't about the target in these cases, it's about the inflicter. This is how much my pain is worth.

And that kind of violent validation is so alluring and so very dangerous. It seeks an outlet, wearing the justification of justice. Who's in reach? Who's an acceptable target this week? What's a good reason to use?

Is there anything they could do that would make me stop?